I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
