I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
