I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
