how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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