I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize