My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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