i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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