Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you would pick up someone in the library
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
