on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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