How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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