you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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