it hurts more in the daytime
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
