It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
