Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
