Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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