the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
