i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
