god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
