I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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