The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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