also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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