It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
