shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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