Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
