What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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