soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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