Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize