i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
