My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
