Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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