it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
