Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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