He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
