Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
