Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
