there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize