I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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