I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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