Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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