I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
