Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Enjoy the penises
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize