i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize