I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
