i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize