'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
