I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
