Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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