You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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