Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
