Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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