whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just want to make out with him forever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
