even my farts smell like vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
