i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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