THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
