Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
