Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
