Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize