he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
