I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
