If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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