i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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