If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
